WRITTEN BY: LORRAINE LAM

As a Chinese-Canadian woman, I find myself thinking a lot about representation. You see, after the murder of George Floyd, D.E.I. initiatives took off as there was an awakening to the huge amount of racial justice work that had to be done in so many spaces across North America. All of a sudden, there was a real awareness of how spaces of power were mostly held by white or white-passing individuals, and there was an increased desire to include diversity and representation.

While I commend this effort, I often found myself in spaces as ‘the Diversity Voice’ (TDV). I found myself invited to conversations that had already been in motion before I was invited as TDV. It almost felt like someone suddenly realized the space was missing diversity, and so there was a scrambling to find TDV.

Because having representation must surely mean inclusion… right?

Cheryl Nembhard once used this analogy: it’s like riding in a cab with all four passenger seats taken, and then being the fifth person invited into the car because they forgot you were coming and saw you waiting at the curb. Everyone will squish in and make room, but it’s uncomfortable. And the fifth wheel always knows they were initially forgotten.

Representation as an ‘afterthought’ is really not inclusion. And sure, while I am grateful to be included, I’m tired of being the forgotten fifth passenger. In the same breath, I find myself wondering: am I creating spaces or perpetuating settings that make other people feel like the fifth passenger?

The Challenge of Radical Inclusion

It’s easy to be inclusive with those who are similar to us—those who share the same values, faith, interests, and beliefs as us. If I’m honest, during the 2016 U.S. election, during the racial reckoning after George Floyd’s murder, the politics around masking and vaccinations throughout COVID-19, and even the state of the world now, I find myself frequently brushed up against people who are completely on the opposite side of beliefs as me. My instinct is to just not speak to them again—it’s easier that way. But what does it mean to practice radical inclusion and love?

Cancel culture tells us that we should just unfollow, cut out, and walk away from those who are toxic (and sometimes, that seems to mean ‘those who disagree with you’). And while boundaries are important, these days we often choose to feel comfortable and correct rather than challenged and called into deeper relationships.

How do we practice radical inclusion with those who we find challenging? How do we learn to love those whose beliefs are radically polarized from ours? And, taking into context the nuances of power and privilege, how do I be in relationship with those of dominant culture whose values might imply that my existence as a racialized woman is less worthy than theirs?

The ‘Jesus’ Model of Radical Love

Jesus practiced radical inclusion. We know from Scripture that he hung out with both sinners and those perceived as saints. And not only did he spend time with them, but he prioritized it and centered these gatherings rather than adding them in as an afterthought. He didn’t just cram Zaccheus into his table, he sought him out and made him the guest of honor. He didn’t just squeeze Mary and Martha into his speaking rotation, he had plans to be at their house for dinner. He didn’t arrange to speak to the Samaritan woman in the dark, he met her in public and spoke with her in the daylight. Jesus included those different from him—those that society had rejected.

What’s striking about this, is that this did not come from a place of pity. Instead, Jesus practiced inclusion from a posture of deep love and solidarity. He didn’t see Zaccheus and say, “I feel sorry for you”, but He looked at him with eyes of welcome and compassion, and he embodied a genuine desire to dine with him.

We live in a culture that throws the word “love” around alot.

“I love chocolate.”
“I love Mean Girls and Brooklyn 99.”
“I love carbs.”
“I love my dog and my partner.”
“I love walks and the ocean and mountains and dolphins.”

But radical love is weighty. “Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Cor. 13:4-7, NIV).

Radical Christ-centered love is hard.

And it calls us to hard things—like the radical inclusion of people different from us.

Radical Christ-centered love calls us to dine with those different from us.

Shifting From ‘Against’ to ‘For’

I find myself often in conversations with people whose impressions of the Church are rooted in what the Church is against: against women in leadership, against trans-identities, against a specific preacher, against a particular bible translation, against a political party… against, against, against. It almost feels like the Church,and maybe even our own identities, have become rooted in exclusion and hate for the other.

And yet, when we look at Jesus’ way of life and his teaching, he repeatedly speaks about what he is FOR: for love, for justice, for listening to the oppressed, for jubilee, for healing, for freedom. And he repeatedly models who he is FOR: the women, the poor, the children, the seekers.

…For, for, for.

So I find myself wondering if the tables I set—both metaphorically and literally—speak a message of what and who I am for, instead of against.

Who is missing from our tables? Who are we trying to squeeze in as an afterthought?

I want to stop being the forgotten fifth.
I want to stop making others feel like a forgotten fifth.

About the Author

**Lorraine Lam** is a believer in cultivating hope-filled communities, seeking opportunities to speak and write to amplify voices that are silenced, while learning to be a more effective co-conspirator. She does regular consultations with local churches and non-profits, delivering workshops on crisis intervention, housing and homelessness, faith and justice, and worship.

Will You Journey With Us?

Welcome to An Audacious Advent, an 8-week series from Women Speakers Collective.

Each week, we’ll share relevant blog posts, practical social media content, thoughtful reflection questions, practical invitations, and meaningful prayer guides to help you approach this Advent season through a lens of justice and mission.

Join us as we explore the true spirit of Advent, moving from formalities to sweat equity and from conventional comforts to reimagined hope, joy, love, and peace.

Subscribe to our email list and turn on Instagram notifications to follow along.