WRITTEN BY: Torrie Sorge

Finally Invited

I was honored and excited when I was invited to share a TED Talk-style moment during our Sunday services. We were kicking off a new series on the book of Daniel. While I’d written the devotional piece of this church-wide, six-week study, I never dreamed of being asked to speak. In my mind, while I longed for opportunities like this, I’d resigned that they don’t happen for people like me: women of color without the right title or job description.

The invitation reminded me that God isn’t limited by position or categories. What He’s called us to, He will provide for. He will open doors and opportunities for us to step into the “good works He’s already prepared for us” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT).

With only a few days to prepare, I dove in, studying and memorizing the five-minute script. A few days before the specific Sunday, the three speakers gathered to practice in the main auditorium of our largest campus. For some, the size of the stage and room are intimidating and overwhelming, but for me, they feel like home. This is the campus I’ve attended for fifteen years. It’s where I’ve served on the worship team. It’s the campus where I work Monday through Thursday. It’s familiar and comfortable. But that’s not the campus where I would be delivering the TedTalk. I was scheduled at one of our smaller campuses.

We each took turns delivering the talk and ensuring the coordinating video was cued appropriately during rehearsal. Yes, a video accompanied the TED Talk that was cued from specific lines in the script. Yeah, it was technical and complex, and I was humbled that they trusted me to deliver it. Because I’ve been on the creative team before, I know the thought and intentionality that goes into choosing people for on-stage roles. It’s not something offered freely.

Sunday morning, I had all the butterflies, excited and nervous as I styled my curls, applied my makeup, and chose a professional yet stylish outfit. In a culture of young, aspiring leaders and speakers, I didn’t want to look like everyone’s mom, but I also didn’t want to come off as trying too hard, while inside, I was trying SO hard. I didn’t realize it yet, but the weight of being first was bearing down.

Getting Heavier

I jumped in the car and started the 35-minute drive to the campus. I only made it to the stoplight before I realized one of our kids had the keyfob to the car. I had been able to start it at home because the other keyfob was nearby, but now I was coasting to the gas station, frantically calling home to see if anyone could bring me the extra set of keys. Patience isn’t my virtue, especially in these types of situations. The ten minutes I waited for my husband to arrive felt like an eternity. I pictured myself arriving late, causing rehearsal to run behind schedule and making everyone question why they chose me for this task. The weight was getting heavier.

My husband and I exchanged cars, and I sped away without even saying thank you. With every red light, my anxiety increased, but God was still in control. I pulled into the parking lot right on time. Laughing at myself, I took a deep breath and walked inside to run through everything again before service.

As previously stated, I am comfortable in bigger spaces. However, I can be equally uncomfortable in smaller ones. As I stepped on a much smaller stage in a much smaller room, I looked at the confidence monitor in the back of the room to see a much smaller font than my eyes could read. I might have been wearing a cute outfit, but it couldn’t hide that these forty-five-year-old eyes had zero chance of reading the script. Glasses on. Glasses off. It didn’t matter. It was all blurry.

While I had memorized the script, knowing it was synced to a video made me nervous. The teleprompter from rehearsal days earlier was much closer, and the font was much bigger, so I was fully confident in my abilities. But now, already shaken from my morning, my confidence evaporated while anxiety took hold.

We stumbled through rehearsal, hoping that a rough rehearsal would lead to a smooth moment during the service. But inside, I was shattered. Tears escaped from the corner of my eyes as the weight of it all became too much.

This wasn’t just about opening doors or opportunities for myself. As a female in ministry and a woman of color, I felt the massive responsibility of being the first person who looks like me to stand on a stage of any size in front of this congregation. This was about every female, especially every female of color, who would come after me.

While I understand that font size and complex technical pieces are outside my control, others often don’t see it that way. Historically, people of color have had to work twice as hard for half as much and fewer open doors. And when those doors open or chairs are pulled up to the table, there’s often only room for one person and minimal grace. The oppressive weight of being first and having the potential to open doors or slam them shut for others was a weight I was never meant to carry.

And neither were you.

When Weight Becomes Power

I had the right mindset when I was first invited to serve in this role. God had opened this door for me. This wasn’t meant to be a weight to bear but a powerful opportunity for me and the women who come next.

While we acknowledge that being the first is full of unique challenges and excitement, it doesn’t mean we have to carry a weight of responsibility God never asked us to carry. History demands that of us. Culture demands that of us. But God doesn’t. All He asks is for us to trust Him, be obedient, and have a willing heart to go where He leads us.

We often look to Matthew 11:28-29 for burnout or soul care. But God used the passage that day to encourage my heavy heart as I drove home, convinced I had single-handedly ruined any future for myself, other women, and other people of color. If you’re feeling the weight of being the first in your family, staff, or church–first to speak up, first to seek help, first to step out, first to break chains, first to set boundaries–may this passage also be an encouragement to you.

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.’” (Matthew 11:28-30, NLT)

Be the First

Being the first can feel like an overwhelming burden, but there is power in placing it in God’s hands. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Remember, you are not carrying it alone—He walks beside you each step of the way. When we rest in His grace to equip us for the new ground to be gained, we’re able to see the power of being entrusted by our Creator to blaze new trails for others to follow. Keep trusting Him, for He’s already prepared the path ahead, and He’s already prepared you for such a time as this.